Christmas is done, right? WRONG. You think you’re in the clear, ready to crawl into your post-holiday food coma? Ha. Not in Spain. Here, the festive season has one last trick up its sleeve—Three Kings’ Day, Día de los Reyes Magos—which is, basically, Christmas 2.0 but with more sugar, more parades, and absolutely zero chill.
The Parade (A.K.A. “Battle Royale, But With Candy”)
You think you’ve seen a parade before? Cute. Cabalgata de Reyes isn’t some polite little procession where kids wave politely and catch sweets with grace. Oh no. This is war.
Denia’s streets were heaving. Kids vibrating like caffeinated squirrels, parents bracing for impact, and three actual kings hurling sweets into the crowd like they were trying to settle ancient vendettas.
The Spanish kids came prepared. Umbrellas turned inside out to maximize collection. Parents acting as human shields. Elbows flying. Meanwhile, Bryan—who foolishly thought this was a spectator sport—took a chupachup straight to the forehead.
Anna and Luke? Hopeless. Anna went with the wide-eyed, innocent approach, hands outstretched, hoping the kings would take pity. They did not. Luke—poor, naive Luke—thought waving enthusiastically would work. It did not.
And then came the abuela. 5ft nothing, knitted cardigan, merciless. She swooped in like a hawk, scooping up a handful of sweets mid-air before Luke could even process what had happened. He turned to me, stunned.
“Mum, I thought this was a friendly parade.”
Oh, sweet child.
The Roscón de Reyes (A.K.A. “Cake That Decides Your Fate”)
Now, let’s talk about the cake. The Roscón de Reyes is not just a festive dessert. It is a trap.
Inside this seemingly innocent, sugar-dusted ring of dough are two things: a tiny figurine of a king, and a bean. Find the figurine? Boom. You get the crown, you are King for the Day. Find the bean? Congratulations. You are paying for next year’s cake.
Tensions were high. Luke, still bitter over his candy losses, was determined to be king. Anna, seeing this, decided she would rather die than let him win. Bryan, who was just trying to eat in peace, miscalculated and took the biggest bite of his slice.
Pause. Blink.
“Oh, brilliant.” He spits something into his hand. The bean of doom.
Cue Luke’s victorious cackle, Anna’s smug grin, and Bryan, already mentally calculating next year’s roscon budget.
Lessons Learned
- Spanish children do not mess around. Train before entering a Cabalgata or accept your defeat.
- Sweets are a currency. There are winners. There are losers. And then there are abuelas.
- Cake can ruin you. You might think it’s a fun, lighthearted tradition. Until you’re stuck with the bill.
The Year Ahead
Three Kings’ Day is done, and with it, the last shred of holiday madness. Now, it’s back to normal life. School, work, routines. But Casa Amada? It’s officially home now. We’ve got the traditions, the sugar rush, and the roscon-related financial trauma to prove it.
Until next time, Bryan will be muttering about “cake-based extortion,” and I’ll be perfecting my candy-snatching technique.
Feliz Día de los Reyes, everyone!